apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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