Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

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  (813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp. http://tfl.nu/6snw
  Replies (22) Good night (3113) Bad night (1131)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

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  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (905) Bad night (6384)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
  Replies (34) Good night (4660) Bad night (2583)
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  (707): View more from California

  It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

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  (707): It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling. http://tfl.nu/12gk
  Replies (9) Good night (694) Bad night (3781)
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  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (6129) Bad night (761)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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  (413): He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there." http://tfl.nu/pomo
  Replies (7) Good night (544) Bad night (3237)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?

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  (315): Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake? http://tfl.nu/vje4
  Replies (7) Good night (2451) Bad night (531)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table

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  (254): Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table http://tfl.nu/xk9z
  Replies (4) Good night (1473) Bad night (505)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it

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  (641): She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it http://tfl.nu/mwwo
  Replies (7) Good night (1070) Bad night (519)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety

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  (401): I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety http://tfl.nu/pik8
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (431)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...

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  (775): You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper... http://tfl.nu/b471
  Replies (5) Good night (438) Bad night (1135)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.

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  (207): Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out. http://tfl.nu/biah
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (341)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...

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  (713): Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ... http://tfl.nu/86td
  Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (634)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.

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  (773): you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter. http://tfl.nu/7j29
  Replies (0) Good night (673) Bad night (231)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking

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  (803): I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking http://tfl.nu/lfqo
  Replies (2) Good night (254) Bad night (349)

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