There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
