If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
