Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
