Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
