OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Less talking, more tequila
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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