The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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