Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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