my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
