hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need a sexual gate keeper
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
