I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
