Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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