i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
