please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
