I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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