it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
