help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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