I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
