the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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