youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
