I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
