are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.