I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
