covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?