somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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