i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
