is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes