The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed