I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??