chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
