What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..