Can i not drive my cunt home
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
nutella sex= disaster
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
