i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
