thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
