Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
