i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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