I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
