yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
