Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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