I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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