your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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