She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
