The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.