Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?