Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.