Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.