i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize