after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
