your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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