she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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