Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
