The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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