Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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