i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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