I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Randomize
