u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
