8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.