I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.