I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.