Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!