I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?