so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.