so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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