I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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