the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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