Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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