ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
