drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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