Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
