I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
