Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
