Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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