These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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