have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
