You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
