There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
