On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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