Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
