All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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