"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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