butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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