you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize