In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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