You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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