my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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