Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
