Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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