saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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