i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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