omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The adults are the big ones right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
