Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
