Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
