Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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