i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
