I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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