Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
