im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
