I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
