The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
