I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
