How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think brook has ever known best
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
