seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
