Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
