The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
